Project #122048 - Vietnam War

I have already written the paper, however I need some serious revising. Need it done by April 18 or 19 at noon at the latest Professor's comment is included and the paper is in the attachment. Chicago manual style 5-7 pages need help fixing format and citation Need help with sources. Need it done by April 18 or 19 at noon at the latest Here's more comment from the instructor. 1. Organization: The paper was somewhat disorganized as you transitioned between a personal account and historical occurences. To improve, make sure you use solid topic sentences. A topic sentence is the first sentence of your paragraph that ultimately sums up the key point or idea of that paragraph. Solid topic sentences tremendously improve the direction of your paper. For example, you had one topic sentence that said that Saigon was known as the Pear of the Orient, but that entire paragraph dealt with issues of corruption. So make sure that your topic sentence addresses ideas of corruption. There are multiple instances where you can benefit from more direct topic sentences. In addition, strive to read your paper as though you are an outside reader, and see if the paper makes sense in its organization. Sometimes when someone is writing, it makes sense to them because they have been involved and immersed in the paper, but outsiders have not read your sources or evidence or seen your personal experiences. So re-read the paper to see if it makes sense in its organization, and then either shift paragraphs around, or create better topic sentences or transitions. 2. Introduction and Organization: Your introduction also is not truly reflective of what you are exploring in the body of your paper. Your introduction largely explores the idea of the Vietnam War and why the United States should never have gotten involved, but the rest of the paper explores Ho Chi Minh's policies, government, corruption, war, etc. Your introduction is the roadmap of your paper, it sets up what your paper intends to argue and explore. Therefore, you should make sure that by the time I'm done reading your introduction, that I have an idea of what your paper is going to address. Furthermore, while you do have a thesis, I do not see you attempting to improve it throughout the arc of the paper. 3. Quotations: Sometimes there are entire paragraphs that are quotes and in some instances there are quotes where I can't tell if they begin or end. As a rule, all paragraphs that are four sentences or longer should be used as "block quotes." Make sure to follow that convention if you decide to use block quotes. Additionally, you should strive to avoid excessively long quotes as they come at the expense of your own voice. Rather, strive to mostly integrate quotes that are a sentence or two long and make sure they are all introduced. For example, you could say: According to historian Brandon Williams, "quote goes here." Or you could more indirectly do it by indicating, for example: The Viet Cong make sure to attack "in manners that were coordinated and stealthy." Things like that.The Writing Manual Guide I uploaded to D2L discusses how to do this. 4. Footnotes: I see footnotes, but don't see sources listed in them yet. Also, the bibliography does not have all sources listed in Chicago Manual of Style. 5. ADD more sources/references , minimum at least 5 sources So to improve: 1. I would encourage re-working your introduction to be reflective of what your paper is exploring and arguing. Recraft your thesis to also be representative of what you intend to argue. (this should take around 30 minutes to 1 hour) 2. Organization: Look at the organization of your paper and see if it flows and if the progression of your ideas makes logical sense.. Also, look into creating better topic sentences as well. (30 minutes to 1 Hour) 3. Thesis: Strive to integrate compelling or insightful quotes from your research, or provide your own individual analysis, in an attempt to develop and support your argument throughout the rest of the paper (30 minutes to 1 Hour) 4. Proofread and Revise: After you're done with all of this, distance yourself from the paper, and go back and proofread your work. Look for ways that you can make your paper readable or your language more direct and precise. (30 minutes to 1 hour) 5. Fix the quotations.

Subject English
Due By (Pacific Time) 04/18/2016 12:00 am
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